Fr..fr...fr...frustration!

How do again?

I wrote my last entry on my blog because of the way I feel. Having a head injury is so frustrating, In the High Hopes video it reflects how I feel about before my accident and after, its how before how I had a nice job, money, friends etc, it is reflected in these lines:

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The night of wonder

Then my life was turned upside down. "Running before time took our dreams away"

I have always wanted to be somebody but it always seems to be beyond my reach and I never seemed to be in control.

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide

So now after my accident I been through all the supposed rehabilitation what the case manager wanted, did the therapeutic work, tried to work part time while wrapped up in cotton wool, did voluntary work to do something towards the community, did what the DEA wanted and went to the work rehabilitation centre for 8 months, then throw in negative thinking, depression, anxiety, my Father dying, IB50's, medicals, welfare reform.

So as I nearer 40 and I think to myself what do I have to show for all the effort I have put in and been on these schemes that are supposed to help me get a job? Is it no wonder why I do not trust the DEA or pathways to work or anything the government say?. I often feel like that I was exploited by the jobcentre.

I read somewhere that at a work focused interview you have to tell them your aspirations for work/career, you having a laugh ain't you?. I thought that I had been telling the DEA and all these other people that I wanted to get back into work. I just feel like every ounce of energy has just been drained out of me and so often I just want to give up. Too many times I have tried to go forwards just to go twice as far backwards again. Welfare reform its just like moving the goalposts a bit further away and forcing you down another path.

Has anybody ever thought that looking after your health takes priority?. Why has everything got to revolve round work? Am I supposed to think that getting a job is suddenly going to make everything better again?.

This is a very good youtube video from the US about living with a brain injury.

seeya

Brainblogger