Nothing of any real significance has happened since I last posted on my blog. I just haven't really felt like writing anything. I have been taking the Citalapram for quite a while now. I don't really feel depressed nor do I feel really happy. I sort of feel nothing. I don't feel sick anymore before I go to voluntary work nor do I have the pounding heart or the panic attacks which is a relief.
Since the brain injury I have no real work history other than therapeutic work and voluntary work. I feel like everyone who wanted to take advantage of me under the guise of rehabilitation has taken advantage of me.
After a life changing event like a brain injury there does not seem to be any sort of a plan to get yourself back to work and you just go through the motions, a week passes, a month passes, a year passes, now almost 20 years have passed since I last worked full-time. At least 18 years has been spent on IB and its variants via a couple of appeals. Its not something I am proud of.
I want to get off IB and get a proper part-time job with proper wages and some sort of career but how many of them are there about for disabled people at the moment?.
The problem is with going to a new job or environment with short-term memory problems it might take me a year to learn and to remember what to do properly. How many employers are there who have that sort of patience?. I feel like the future is uncertain. The only stability I have at the moment is IB and voluntary work.
I have been reading other blog's about peoples experience of the new deal and the flexible new deal but it sounds so depressing. I don't want to be depressed again. I have had a lifetime of experience of depression.
I have asked whether the voluntary work could turn into a proper part-time job but the employer said that they can't match what I get on IB and I would be worse off and wait until I get kicked off IB and onto jobseekers.
I phoned up the tax credit helpline and even with working tax credit I would actually be worse off. That's just crazy. Even on news articles I read in the last week or so it said if you earn less than so much you are classed as being in poverty. What's the incentive of going to work when you are going to go into poverty?.
Sometimes I feel like I am already working for my benefit. Sometimes I feel like I am being taken advantage of at the expense of a real employee. People have come and gone and not been replaced but at the end there is always me as backup. What alternatives are there?.